by juansolo

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project for the greatest seminar class in the world
based upon richter's kerze, wilde's dorian, calvino's winter


released March 27, 2014

me: everything
mc and the gang: comedic effect



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juansolo Richmond, Virginia

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Track Name: If On a Wednesday Night a Composer
You have decided to do a creative project.
You think it will be easier to get a good grade because art is hard to grade especially if you do something witty like make a meta song because your teacher likes Calvino.
Unfortunately, you stink at writing music.
However, it becomes clear it is your only option.

Ready to take on the task, you sit down at your computer and download the music writing software you got four Christmases ago and never looked at again.
You read the manual and remember how boring manuals are to read.
You stop reading.
You look at the software interface.
It looks simple.
Deciding you are a genius, you start writing music despite having no clue what is going on.

It sounds really bad – what a surprise.
You move the music to the very end of the song to delete later but know you’ll forget to delete it.
The thought amuses you.
You laugh,
“hahahahahahaha yoloswag 420”.
You decide to stop being obnoxious and write some flipping music already.
Where to start?
Maybe with a kick drum.
All the best songs have kick drums.

That sounds really cool.
You can’t remember the last time a kick drum sounded that good.
You really are a genius.
Feeling real confident, you make a synthesizer line.

That will get all the ladies.
Or at least the ladies that that one guy with the acoustic guitar who knew three chords didn’t get.
Oh wait – that was all of them.

Oh, and now you made the narrator of your meta story a heterosexual guy or a lesbian.
Double oops.

You decide not to pay attention to the plot holes and continue writing music.
That will fix everything.

You spot a cute girl looking at you.
She has written something creative as well.
However, your synthesizers and glorious based drum are not enough.
What, what are we missing?

Oh right.
The bass.
The bass should do it.
She is yours for sure.

Wow – that worked like a charm.
She doesn’t think your bass is bassy enough.
You decide that she’s not the one for you.
You remember what your father said: there are other dishes in the dishwasher.
That wasn’t it.
Well, who cares? You like the bass.
That’s all that matters.

And you have other things to worry about.
You need seven pages.
Seven pages?
How will you get seven pages?

Aha! You got it!
You’ll type up your meta story on a page and turn it in.
And on top of that - now this is brilliant - you’ll put the entire meta story into a speech synthesizer and put it in your song.
How meta will that be?
Take that, acoustic guitar players.
You just made the coolest project of all time. And you’re not even done with the song.

You then edit your song just a tiny bit and turn it in.

You did it.
That was quite a journey.
You listen to the song you made a couple times and smile.
You say, hey, I might just get an A on this.
I might just be alright.
You then remember that the computer pronounced bass (musical) like bass (fishical) every time, that the computer is on the whole difficult to understand, and most of all you remember that you forgot to delete that terrible clip of what you wrote earlier from the end of the…


Calvino, Italo. 1981. If on a Winter’s Night a Traveler. Jovanovich: Harcourt Brace.